PART ONE My ROAD To Becoming a better housewife and home maker. And so, I have learned many things in the last years of great effort why I can not keep a clean house. I have soaked up as much information as I could and sought to apply it as best I as I could. I STILL live in a messy house. Can nothing be done? No, I will not conclude this. As I have been learning about housework, I have also been learning about the mind and how it effects life, I have learned about circumstances and surroundings also and how they affect life, I sought reason for the madness of living in chaos and the why's so that I can in hope find the answers and in tern the remedy to apply. You see in my mind, I see a very VERY put together home. Everything in its place and completely within grasp of when you need it, clean, usable, unbroken, pieces all together, etc. In my mind, I can not understand why these things should not be attainable for me. It seems so easy, and so I press on every day starting with my head held high... but soon, I find myself in an overwhelmed state and failure and guilt ridicule me. I get depressed, my feet get heavy, my mind gets cluttered, my breathe shortened. Anxiety sets in, worry, heartbreak. This is just trying to keep house, I am not mentioning being married, being a mother to THREE young children, being a STEP mother to one TEENager, and the list goes on!!!

Making Needed Changes and writing them down to not forget!

Changes are good. Doesn't mean they are easy though. 1. Write more. I don't seem to know how to communicate my thoughts in audible words the way I do in writing them down. 2. Read out loud my writings to Matt. If he isn't going to read them on his own and I am going to get hurt about it, then just make the decision to not undermine him for not taking interest and instead read him what I write or even print him a copy to read on his own. 3.

Hello again. It didn't happen. I made promises on here I didn't keep. I was unable thus far to get rid of anything. Good intentions are just that when there is no action to follow suit. I was embarrassed to write. Time heals the hurting heart. God gives new strength. Here we go again. Phil. 4:13

I will be working to unload my pictures off my phone today so I can be ready to take pictures of this house with no excuse of having a full memory card and then post them here as I work to get rid of 10 things a week, straighten up and maintain daily, use what I have to make sense of the things I use daily and make them more accessible and worth keeping. I will take my DHA to help my mind stay clearer and help me stay on task and remember what I set out to do here in these writings.

Its been so long since I've blogged. Today is a new day and the time passed to get to today has allowed new discoveries along the way. Today I am dealing with the thoughts of people coming into my house and helping me get organized. I don't know what day they will come but it will be someday soon and I will see a therapist again and get a break from the kids to talk to God when I make it more of a priority. All of this came about through a group I am in at my church. A WOW meeting, we have been studying on how to see our husbands as our heroes. Last meet my desire for help toward change really took presence and the woman showed great interest in helping me carry this burden and not feel so isolated and loosing belief in myself of ever achieving the goals to get to the end of all this very literal stuff clouding up my life. I am grateful and looking forward to the help in the midst of doubt and uncertainty. I am asking them to pray for me and for the spiritual battle within as this crutch is forced out and not allowed to have reign in my life anymore. What a delivery of new life it will bring. All I have to do is completely surrender. There are all kinds of things that bind us to a certain roll we play in this life we live. In order to live in the light we only dream about, we first have to look at where we live now and then take real and often painful steps through all the mess to conquer our greatest need for new beauty.

Its so difficult to blog being a mother of young children. I thought I would of made at least one entry since my last by now! oh well, my new motto, "slow and steady wins the race". My days between have been successful as I gained new open spaces and "finished" spaces in my bathroom and even that dreaded couch area. Maintaining the kitchen and the spaces I have set already and keeping up with the kids and the husband and doing my best to keep the animals fed and watered. I am unable to write more at this time even as I have to go be wife and mom, never off are we, always on with a plenty to keep us going. Here's to new blog entries in the future! Or at least that is my hope! Haha! I hope to update with pics soon.

And with some energies left achieved the third space.